Aunti Social's Christmas Shopping Guide

• First and foremost: send everyone that e-mail reminder that this is not the time to squander our limited funds on Christmas cards and stamps. Besides postal employees all work for the Feds and won't lose their jobs.
• Now is the time to take out all those Nordstroms and Saks bags, so you can transfer all the stuff you bought at the 99 Cent store before you get home. This will intimidate everyone into getting you a better gift.
• Be sure to visit Santa at the mall, then offer help to some overburdened mom by holding one of her kids in the photo, and just pay for a couple of extra copies for you to give away, thus avoiding the minimum sitting fee, altogether.
• Get a bonnet, a bell, a tripod and cutout Santa poster, pick a busy corner and set up your own charity fund-raising drive. A Good Name: "The Home for Drunken Babies".
  
• REMEMBER: When rooting thru the trays of sales items and racks of mark-downs, ALWAYS keep your pinky finger up.
• Always choose the longest line, with the most harried checker, and insist at the top of your lungs, that "THE SIGN SAID $ 1.00, LIMIT TWELVE.
• Always ask for the Senior Discount, if none offered, Yell DISCRIMINATION!
• When in doubt, grab your chest, and pant out water, please, and begin searching for your meds.
• Whomever comes to your aid, Scream "Don't touch me, Young Man!!!"
• Dec 20: Pretend to call some long lost relative in Italy
• Dec 21: pretend to call back, and ask how Uncle Guido is doing, say loudly, I'll try, but I'm not sure it's possible"
• Dec 22: Take all the money you were going to spend on your lousy local relatives, declare you have been summoned for the reading of the will, and fly to Italy, (or Vegas), for a real Merry Christmas
• Dec 26: Return home, visibly tired, and say that your share of the estate just covered the air fare, but the family was so glad you came
• Dec 27: after saying "Oh you shouldn't have" to everyone, and telling that you feel really bad that you haven't anything for them, OPEN UP YOUR GIFTS, while they say that you shouldn't be silly, this is what Christmas is all about.
• Dec 28: Start figuring out what you want to do New Years EVE!
  

WTF

What a bunch of double-talking/standards fools. Or maybe just really, really good "spin doctors"!

Tip of the Day - 04/17/08

Tip of the Day - 04/16/08